From the initial petition proposal backing bill A4021, the bill is designed to:

1) assist law enforcement in identifying an infraction;

2) will also help with the peer pressure of driving reckless[sic] and/or having more passengers than allowed;

3) with the car marked young drivers will know that they can be easily identified and will refrain from taking the risk

Proponents of the new measure claim that the it is “one of the most significant steps forward in teen driver safety”, remarking that not only does it allow officials to more easily identify potential law-breakers who may not be complying with the probationary license restrictions, but also serves as a psychological warning to drivers (which seems to be the primary goal). The law does have certain additional measures meant to reduce automobile accident rates, such as the prohibition of electronic device usage by the driver while operating a vehicle, but also incorporates other, more controversial changes such as the re-institution of a 11:00 curfew for all drivers holding a provisional (now called probationary) license.

While the law may seem okay at first glance for people who are not directly affected, the decal’s uncanny resemblance to the yellow Star of David that Jews were forced to wear by law in Nazi Germany calls into question the true purpose of such a measure: Why is it necessary to display such a prominent feature on cars that is not only visible to officials, but to every other driver and pedestrian in the vicinity? Various valid objections were indeed raised, such as the potential for predators to easily identify teenage drivers and the near certainty that teenage drivers will be pulled over far more frequently than before, not to mention that the red sticker may act as a “red light” that causes other drivers to avoid vehicles tagged with it.

Unfortunately, the officials are silent on that issue. Its consequence of furthering age profiling and discrimination is also conveniently ignored, perhaps because the law was introduced, modified, and signed by people who are completely unaffected by it, completely neglecting the opinion of people to whom it will actually apply. Perhaps it is the reason why I see no measure requiring elderly drivers to display prominent stickers/flags/beacons on their cars; people who hand down laws like loose leaf sheets will be more reluctant to do so if it’ll affect themselves in some way.

Just what can be done to protest such a measure? There is little hope for a repeal, and the online petition against the law is unfortunately full of misspellings and sensationalist ranting, and thus will likely be ignored as it holds no legal strength in the judicial system. Thus, an amendment to the legal document is the most preferable outlet.

To address the most prominent issues and objections raised against this bill, I propose:

1. The replacement of the scarlet letter-esque stickers with encrypted RFID tags, making the means of identification accessible to officials for the stated purpose, but not civilian predators.
2. The abolition of the 11:00 P.M. curfew or the institution of an accessible provision for drivers to obtain exemptions to the rule for employment or personal needs.
3. The removal of age-specific provisional license restrictions for purposes other than to identify the driver as under the legal drinking age, for they are no different from the racial or sexual profiling and segregation that has plagued our country for centuries.

Discuss.

As the M.D. insisted repetitively that I use the prescribed drugs every day until the next appointment scheduled for a conveniently distant date, I could not object to the assigned chemical intrusion; my parent promptly proceeded to purchase the subscriptions from CVS while constantly complaining of the cost and glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. While I was not particularly worried about any long-term costs associated with prolonged use of these pharmaceutical products, the price tag has set off alarm bells in my head: If “mild” potential asthma costs over $5000 each person per year just from purchasing prescription drugs, the costs incurred by the more severe cases of asthma must be through the roof, likely bankrupting families with children who are unfortunately struck with the condition; (which is one-quarter of urban children as of 2005).

A little math reveals effective consumer per-gram costs for the active ingredient of the three drugs prescribed:

-Nasonex (Mometasone furoate, a glucocortid steroid): $119.99 for 1400 micrograms, amounting to $85,707.15 per gram, or 2339 times the cost of gold ($36.63 per gram according to goldprice.org)

-Singulair (Montelukast, a specific CysLT1 antagonist): $152.99 for 30 tablets of 10mg each, or $509.97 per gram

-Maxair (Pirbuterol [inhaler], a β2-adrenergic agonist): $139.99 for 1 inhaler of 80mg total, or $1749.88 per gram

A kilo of this is worth more than Iceland.

Since I highly doubt the chemicals cost more to manufacture than the uranium they use in nukes, I decided that the Draconian price tag must be due to some kind of markup that funds banquets attended by every asthma doctor and allergist in my local area, laughing at the apparent gullibility of their patients and celebrating their monopoly over respiratory medical care, all while consuming the flesh of white-collar workers from diamond forks and wiping their mouth with napkins made of hundred-trillion-dollar bills.

Well, they are dollars...

To be fair, the medicine do have enough doses to last one month, at least partly justifying the cost—that is, if they actually work. The first impression of brief research, however, indicates otherwise. Searching for “Singulair” in Google leads to a bunch of advertisements and disclaimers listing an impressive list of side effects, with most articles referencing the drug in less-than-impressive ways. Every pop of the tiny square tablet costs $5, yet it evidently fails to live up to its expectations and apparently causes suicide. User comments on the news article seem to reflect a 67% failure rate (8 comments indicating failure of medicine as opposed to 4 ardently advocating its use). Assuming that the pro-Singulair comments are not rigged, then there’s a 2/3 chance that you’re paying $5 a day to have panic attacks, stomach aches, nightmares, permanent rashes/inflammation, amongst other terrifying side-effects. The weasel-word laden disclaimer pamphlet that came with the medicine lists hepatitis and upper respiratory tract infection as “common” side effects of Singulair, leaving me to wonder what the point of the medicine is if it’ll cause two more ailments with worse symptoms as a side effect.

Nasonex, one teaspoon of which costs more than a white-collar worker’s entire life earnings, doesn’t do much better. Google’s auto-suggest has “nasonex side effects” as the top entry when the drug name is entered, and its average rating of 2.3 on Askapatient falls under the “not satisfied” category, with feedback generally negative and indications of “terrible, terrible” side effects spanning every other column. Stunted growth in children, hyperinflated blood pressure, loss of smell/taste, lack of any appreciable effect in relieving symptoms it supposedly cures, et cetera., the same kind of feedback you would get from contemporary snake oil vendors. Reading the customer feedback on the page is the only way to appreciate the extent to which the medicine fails; it’s simply impossible to express the epic fail in this blog entry.

The Maxair inhaler, which I will likely never use, is the only one of the list that can potentially be useful to asthma patients; its cost is still a bit on the high side, but as one of few options available to chronic asthma sufferers that apparently actually work (despite cardiovascular side effects), it’s something that will have to do for the time being.

I give my condolences to anyone unfortunate enough to be afflicted with asthma and the associated medical costs; but as long as pharmacies and manufacturers continue to be content in financially crippling their customers, you’ll be paying these exorbitant costs out of your pockets. We need to change this. Now.

_______________________________________

Log:

-Day 0: Administration of Singulair and Nasonex as directed begins with the cessation of other antihistamine intake.

-Day 1: Symptoms considerably worsen, with frequency of coughing and other unfortunate reactions nearly quadrupling. General consensus from classmates suffering similar conditions interviewed seems to be that “Singulair doesn’t work”, with suggestions to take Claritin instead of the prescribed medicine in light of my evident distress. Parents begin to question the effectiveness of the treatment and mutter about wasting four hundred bucks.

-Day 2: Slight improvement in symptoms occur, to my surprise. An unpleasant taste does, however, linger, as well as a slight headache that may or may not be related to the drugs. Approximately 19 hours from last administration, strong symptoms of hay fever return. Administration at the correct time did not alleviate the problems.

-Day 3: Slight sleeplessness occurs. Excessive migraine and intermittent headache that resembles symptoms of elevated intracranial pressure. Strong urge to drain cerebrospinal fluid. 13 hours from the last administration, a fever rises. Degree of consciousness and memory meet a sharp decline and do not recover for about 2 hours. Intellectual capacity was significantly impacted during the period of lowered awareness, as evidenced by my inability to add two three-digit numbers correctly with paper and pen and my assertion that 591 is prime.

There is substantial loss of taste and smell.

Topic: Scipio

“So most of you probably have seen him around in CC. After all, he IS a SUPER moderator. Anyway, my other account, shph119, was recently given infraction because of ‘profanity.’ And Scipio PMs me saying that I should take a few days off and read the Terms of Service. And apparently, the mods are supposed to give me a warning before they can take away my posting rights. Did I ever get a warning? No, other than the infraction, which really doesn’t count since the infraction came with the lack of posting rights. So I PMed him. Asked him why, even though I never got a warning, had my posting rights taken away. He didn’t answer. Then, now, I just found out that my ‘punishment’ was extended due to ” repeating inappropriate posts”…. Seriously? Something should be done about this “super moderator” who doesn’t even follow his own rules/advice.

I made a new account so that I can justify myself, but it was banned again for ‘return of a banned user’… WOW. Scipio… You don’t even let me justify myself? What. You’re gonna delete this thread now?

Now my original account is permanently banned for not willing to follow the TOS? I AM willing to follow it. But obviously, YOU’re not, since you’re breaking the first paragraph of the TOS.”

It appeared to be a complaint about a moderator’s actions, and, while seemingly saturated with angst and haphazard thought, it was, after all, free of spelling errors, prompting me to take the guy seriously at least to some extent. Absent-minded at the moment, I copy-pasted the contents into notepad for review later, to notice that the thread disappeared without a trace when I pressed “refresh”.

Well, that was fast; the OP’s prediction seemed quite true. I kept this at the back of my head and went on to check on the AIME problems.

Interestingly, similar threads began to pop up with frequency in the same forum, all made by members with 0 posts. I found no value archiving them as their content coherence disintegrated with time’s passage, continuously making less sense as time went on. Nevertheless, I realized that someone must have been permabanned from CC and must be quite frustrated at the apparent lack of an explanation. Since there’s no way I could PM him, I made a generalized thread that appeared like the follows:

Topic: To anyone complaining about CC moderation

1. It’s against the rules to discuss moderator actions.

2. Calm down. Take a deep breath. Stay low as a new member. Ask yourself: Did I bring this upon myself? Would a reasonable person have done what I did to get banned/warned?

3. Think over whether or not it is worth wasting real-life time complaining about a ban from an internet forum.

4. Finally, if none of that helps, take a look at this [de]motivator:

http://i40.tinypic.com/17bcpi.jpg

I shrugged and left it at that. The thread gathered about 4 posts, then I received a puzzling PM from Scipio himself:

Scipio: 1. It’s against the rules to discuss moderator actions.

In that case I suggest you stop.

Half-expecting the result, I pressed “back” three times and pressed refresh. The thread had indeed been nerfed to the chasms of nonexistence, ostensibly by the same person. I followed this up with an exchange:

_______________________________________________-

A:
Re: 1. It’s against the rules to discuss moderator actions.

Scipio,

I never mentioned, alluded to, or in any way connected my post with a specific action taken by an administrator or moderator affiliated with or administering any portion of the College Confidential Forums. Please do explain why it constitutes a “discussion of moderator actions” when it does not even refer to any specific moderator or administrator.

Thanks,
-Aristocrat

_______________________________________________-

S:
Re: 1. It’s against the rules to discuss moderator actions.

If you have a complaint or point to make about the moderators, make it to the moderators. Discussing the moderators is not allowed in the open forums. You are not going to get around the rules by arguing that you were discussing the moderators themselves and not their actions. That’s a distinction without a difference, and such sophistry won’t get you anywhere.

If you like to CC and wish to remain a member, please keep all your posts within the Term of Service. Thank you.

_______________________________________________-

A:
Re: 1. It’s against the rules to discuss moderator actions.

Scipio,

My apologies, but perhaps you have failed to understand my previous PM; in the message I conveyed that I had not referred to CC moderators, actions, or any other item even remotely tangent to the “moderation” the TOS pertains to. I simply reiterated the fact that “It’s against the rules to discuss moderator actions” and provided two quick pieces of advice for anyone under emotional distress to follow as they see fit; I do not understand why any of that constitutes an infringement of the TOS even under the most absurd of interpretations. If you would, please point out the portion of the Terms of Service or any other authoritative document on CC not recently authored (as to avoid ex post facto regulations) that pertains to my particular action and why it is unacceptable and I would gladly accept your claim.

Thanks,
-Aristocrat

_______________________________________________-

S:
Re: 1. It’s against the rules to discuss moderator actions.

Oh, please. By the thread’s very title and and the title of this PM, taken from your post, it’s clear you were posting about CC moderation. And to boot you repeatedly throw in a link to a mocking picture. You think that’s going to add up to an acceptable post?

You have a choice. You can remain on CC by not discussion[sic] moderators or their action or violating the TOS in other ways, or you can be asked to leave. Your call.

_______________________________________________-

A:
Re: 1. It’s against the rules to discuss moderator actions.

I see that “moderator” and “rules” are evidently considered profane and unacceptable vocabulary on CC. If you insist, I will carry this discussion no further, as there seems to be very little value in continuing to do so.

Sincerely,
-Aristocrat

Eh. So I get threatened with a permaban for…wait, what did I do again?

CC evidently does not seem like it endorses free speech, if this particular moderator’s attitude is anything to go by. How unfortunate.

2010 March 16 AIME I problems are transcribed as below. Confirmed solutions to the AIME will be collected and incorporated into the post.

Due to…er, legal reasons I was unable to post this until 12:00 AM March 17 EDT. My apologies.

© 2010 Mathematical Association of America

is divided by 1000.

and

.

The quantity x+y can be expressed as a rational number r/s, where r and s are relatively prime positive integers. Find r+s.

for all real numbers x, and suppose P(11) = 181. Find P(16).

The region R is completely contained in a disk of radius r (a disk is the union of a circle and its interior). The minimum value of r can be written as , where m and n are integers and m is not divisible by the square of any prime. Find m + n.

The greatest possible value of a³ + b³ + c³ can be written in the form m/n, where m and n are relatively prime positive integers. Find m + n.

where the a_i‘s are integers, and 0 ≤ a_i ≤ 99. An example of such a representation is 1·10³ + 3·10² + 67·10¹ + 40·10⁰. Find N.

,

where m, n, and p are positive integers, m and n are relatively prime, and p is not divisible by the square of any prime. Find m + n + p.

.

Find the largest value of n for which f(n) ≤ 300.
Note: ⌊x⌋ is the greatest integer less than or equal to x.

.

Find p + q.

*Unavailable answers are answers which I cannot confirm 100% as correct due to large discrepancies in the answers I have received. They will become available throughout Wednesday and Thursday.

(Sorry about the extremely lazy formatting; I would have LaTeX’d the whole post if I could have done so in a reasonable amount of time.)

There is a provision for the contest to accept AMC 10 students who score more than 11 points on the AIME, but that does not amend the main issue with MOSP qualification to any appreciable extent. The way I see it, the introduction of the USAJMO (and the subsequent shrinkage of the USAMO qualifier pool) causes this progression:

-Underclassmen are discouraged from taking the AMC 10.
-Talented 9th and 10th grade students swarm to take the AMC 12 in order to qualify for the USAMO.
-A net drop in the average constitution of the USAJMO qualifiers (relative to previous years’ USAMO underclassmen participants) occurs.
-A net increase in the difficulty of USAMO qualification also results, as a greater population of students compete for what is ultimately fewer slots.

Result: More and more people who would have qualified for the USAMO under the previous system are deprived of the opportunity. See illustration:

Assume 500 combined USAMO qualifiers; left rectangle = top 500 indexed AMC 12 takers, right rectangle = top 500 indexed AMC 10 takers.

This is something that no one would want, ostensibly, since under a strictly meritocratic ranking system the 200 “new” USAJMO qualifiers would not have ranked in the top 500. Oh well, guess that just makes it twice as hard for us ;).

In any case, the proverbial “thin envelope” arrived in the mail today. From what I can see this seems to be the universal rejection form for RSI:

_________________________________________________________________

<date>

<Title> <Name>

<Address>

Dear <name>:

On behalf of the Board of Trustees of the Center for Excellence in Education, thank you for applying to the 2010 Research Science Institute (RSI) for academically talented high school students in math and science. The competition for the few available places was most intense, with many more qualified applicants than we could accept. We regret that we are unable to offer you a position in RSI 2010.

Please accept our congratulations for your many fine academic achievements to date. Our very best wishes as you continue to pursue a career in science and technology.

Sincerely,

<image of signature>

Joann P. DiGennaro

President

_________________________________________________________________

Well, there’s always next…wait, damn.

Congratulations to those who received an acceptance letter instead; enjoy your summer at MIT!

EDIT> I was supplied a template of acceptance by an accomplished RSI acceptee :), in case anyone wondered what one might look like:

_________________________________________________________________

Dear <name>:

On behalf of the Board of Trustees for the Center for Excellence in Education, it is my pleasure to invite you to attend the twenty-seventh annual Research Science Institute (RSI) held in collaboration with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. You are among 45 U.S. students chosen to attend our program for top math and science students. Approximately thirty students from other nations will also attend.

Please send us a letter of acceptance to the RSI no later than March 16, 2010. RSI 2010 will take place at MIT from June 20 to July 31, 2010. You should plan to arrive at MIT on Sunday, June 20 and depart on Saturday, July 31, 2010. More program details will follow upon our receipt of your acceptance.

Congratulations! We look forward to having you with us.

Sincerely,
Joann P. DiGennaro
President

_________________________________________________________________

Ah, so 45 US students. That means at least five states have been left out, unfortunately.

*On the subject of the AMC 12, why was the acceptance index so low this year? 88.5 points seems awfully far from the typical 100/97.5, and the test was not that much more difficult from what I can remember. Was it the Frog/Toad problem? Yeah, it must be that problem. Darn critters :]

Just a quick poll to fill Monday’s blog post. Since Firefox and many other browsers allow multiple tabs to be opened on start, multiple choice is enabled. I am fairly certain that the options cover a vast majority of all browser homepages in use, but there always can be exceptions.

(The commercial nature of WordPress.com and its failure to provide me with FTP access means I can’t post an applet that’ll do the calculations for you. But hey, if you applied to RSI, you probably would not mind a bunch of arithmetic calculations :P.)

Original post here.

THE FORMULA:

Start at 50.

Take Dec-01 2010. Check your application’s date of submission. Subtract 0.2 for every day of difference if submitted later, or add 0.2 for every day earlier. Subtract 5 more points if sent a week before the deadline.

Subtract 15 if living on the East Coast or in a state with above-average student performance.

Subtract 2 if not a US citizen. Subtract a further 8 if nationality is East Asian.

Add 15 if URM.

Add 25 if female. Swear silently if male.

Add 3 for each AP/IB course taken, except Calculus and Computer Science (add nothing in those cases, unless Computer Science AB was taken, in which case add 1).

Subtract 1 for each mention of non-AP courses completed on or prior to 2007.

Add points for each 200+ university course taken (CHM 304, MAT 217, COS 226, etc.); exact amount of points added is the leading digit times 2 plus one-tenth the numerical designation mod 100. (For example, COS 226 would be worth 2 * 2 + 26 / 10 = 4 + 2.6 = 6.6)

Subtract 1 for each “Other” field with non-AP/IB courses irrelevant to engineering/math.

Add 0, 2, 2.5 points (beginning, intermediate, advanced) in each programming skill level chosen.

Add 5 bonus points for mentioning Python, but subtract 5 for mentioning BASIC regardless of skill level.

Add 1/2 extra points each if intermediate/advanced in the following: Java, C++, Mathematica, MATLAB, SQL, XML, PHP, Delphi, and Ruby. Disregard Assembly/TOY, HTML and Flash.

Add 5 bonus points for advanced LaTeX use, or add 2 for intermediate LaTeX use. Double the bonus received in this section if you used LaTeX in your short responses.

Add WIN for mentioning StarCraft in any way in your application.

Subtract 2 points for every 10 points lost on the PSAT/SAT II tests (disregard language/history/English tests).

Subtract 5 points for each use of a test score from 2007 or prior.

Subtract 8 if research field choices were copied from this.

Subtract 5 for each failure to meet “PSAT math scores should be at least 75, and combined math, verbal, and writing PSAT scores should be at least 220.ACT minimum math scores should be 33 and reading, 34.”

Add 5 for pointing out the grammatical mistake on the teacher’s recommendation form.

Subtract 15 if at least one of your answers to question 3 was one of the six remaining Clay Math Institute Millennium Prize Problems. Disregard if you included proof/disproof as supplement.

Add 10 for each research internship with a reputable organization. Subtract 5 for each deliberate mention of petri dish washing internships or paper shredding internships.

Subtract 3 for mentioning programs that depend on ability to pay and not merit.

Add 5 for being a Inter STS semifinalist. Add 15 for being a STS finalist.

Add 8 if undertaking of personal research is demonstrated. Add 12 more if said research has been published or reviewed.
Add 8 for every piece of creative “supplement” sent with the application that demonstrates personal talent.

Add 17.5 for each non-frivolous patent held (Meaning not including any of these or similar)
Add 1/2/4 for every bronze/silver/gold medal (or equivalent honor) received in reputable competitions (USAMTS, HMMT, PUMaC, etc., and not just math ones.)
Subtract 5 for each long-range goal that alludes to money, power, or cars.

Subtract 4 more for each long-range goal not involving science.

Subtract 3 for every other piece of “padding” content.

Subtract 2 for deliberate inclusions of school-wide extracurriculars or exclusively in-school recognitions.

Subtract 3 for mentioning non-national MATHCOUNTS trophies.

Subtract 5 if you asked a teacher who did not know you well beyond the course to write your recommendation. (Subtract 15 if both teachers fall under this.)
Subtract 10 if question 6 was not answered in a straightforward manner.

Subtract 25 if you flagrantly mention that you are applying to TASP.

Subtract 10 if answer to question 7 fails to use any of the languages mentioned.

Subtract 2 if postcard was not enclosed.

Add 10 for each USA_O contest attended, minus ones open to public registration.

Add 15 for each I_O contest training camp or contest attended.

Add 25 for each I_O medal, +25 more if gold.

Add 5 for mentioning Project Euler. Add 0.1 for each problem completed.

That’s it. Post your indices!

Translation:

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4701280b0100gmcy.html

Tags: Miscellaneous

2010: China launches “Internet Regulation Project”, with slogan “Three days without beating and trouble will be brewing”.

2010: China expands keyword blacklist, Chinese character “档” and English alphabet “D” disappear from the internet. dangdang.com and douban.com are forced to relocate to filthynet and lotusroot.cn respectively.

June 2010: “Protect the Children” Project takes off in China, Children’s Day is promoted to a National Holiday and government announces stringent control of all information unfavorable to the “healthy growth of children”. Shanghai Expo proposes “Exposition, Exposition, banning illicit relation is a-okay” as their new slogan, launching pornography-cleansing projects simultaneously online and offline. Since “yellow” is synonymous with “porn” in China, the government then asserts that everything yellow is to be censored, for “yellow” represents the pornographic and the feudal, contradicting communist ideals.

Elementary school students are mobilized in “cleaning marches” to eradicate everything and anything yellow on the streets.

July 2010: The Children’s Patriotism Committee observed that the stars on the Chinese flag are yellow, thus incompatible with the new legislation; proposes color change to red after research and legislation passed by the relevant ministries.

August 2010: Chinese government realizes that the flag has turned into a featureless red rectangle, scrambles to fix the error and changes the color to green as per suggestion from elementary students.

2010: As per Children’s Protection Committee representative, image review and censorship controls are tightened, adapts “highbeaming = streaking” ideology in censoring porn from the internet.

2010: Every internet forum moderator has been recruited by government as a civil servant. Freedom of speech abolished.

2010: Government announces Great Firewall 2.0; new system publicized as a consolidation of intellectual efforts of countless hired specialists from all fields. Experts congregate at a military base to work on the project; foreign media gets wind of satellite imagery and erroneously reports that China is building aircraft carriers.

January 2011: Chinese economic stimulus package allots ¥100 billion yuan to hire puppet bloggers, increasing payout to ¥1 yuan per post from ¥0.50 per post, in order to reach the goal of 100 billion pro-Communist posts on the internet by 2011. Members of the 50 Cent Party weep in joy as they hear news of the raise after enduring years of flaming.

Meanwhile, Astroturfing puppet accounts reach a 1:1 ratio with normal human beings on all major discussion boards in China.

2011: Google, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and similar sites announce to China their intention to return to China and open registration for all users.

At the same time: In the US. all above sites deny any intention of forming business relations with China.

Immediately after: Great Firewall 2.0 blocks all traces of above press release, Chinese web users have no idea that above sites are now accessible.

2011: Great Firewall hunts down all users who registered at the above sites, locks their computers and denies access to all sites aside from people.com.cn, Xinhuanet, CCTV and the Iron Blood Forums. Computer locking impossible to reverse.

2011: PC prices double, computer black market materializes.  Users find that their addresses have been blacklisted, new computers still unable to open websites aside from the above ones.

2011: Real Estate prices double; sellers must differentiate between blacklisted and non-blacklisted houses.

2011: Newspapers “Southern Metropolis” and “Southern Weekly” renamed to “Men’s Metropolis” and “Men’s Weekly”, revamped to dating and matchmaking newspapers.

At the same time, puppet bloggers and normal users reach a ratio of 9:1 on all major forums.

2011: An internet user uses Google to search the name of a city manager.

2011: Second Great Internet Purge shuts down all search engines. Websites and newspapers condemn searching for “making everyone lazy” and “severely affecting the learning process of children by reducing problem-solving and hands-on experience”. Government officials state, “we never used search engines to get to where we are now; they can’t possibly do us any good!”

2011: Pepsi purchases Baidu, redesigns it as soft drink vendor site.

2012: Sina.com exposes town official for embezzling 500 yuan, article becomes instant hit and is rated as “2012′s Best News of the Year”. Article records over 500 billion hits with many users repeatedly refreshing the page, page exceeded one million comments even after meticulous deletion, many expressing hope for a new beginning of free speech.

Online polls however, reveal a staggering vote of 9:1 stating that article “should not have been published” for destroying the balance of society and threatening to create a nationwide cultural schism.

2012: Elementary student finds image of woman on Sina . Sina is promptly shut down.

2013: All internet forums lose “register” and “post” options. Chinese Writer’s Association and China Federation of Literature take over as sole producers of content for the internet. Internet devolves from Web 3.0 to Web 0.3, browsing once again becomes “read-only”.

2013: Committee for the Healthy Growth of Children reports Sina.com for showing another picture of a woman.

2014: Mountain Dew purchases Sina.com, redesigns as official soft drink vendor.

2014: Elementary school student views porn over QQ, goes berserk and rapes tens of people in broad daylight.

2014: QQ, MSN and all instant messaging services shut down, personal blogs and microblogging services become banned. People begin to find ways to circumvent the restriction and post information on the internet, much to the Government’s horror.

2015: The entire internet is shut down, Government launches new series of “internet browsing” computers and establishes new protocol for web browsing. These computers lack keyboards and only a mouse can be attached. Government slogan revamped to “what the hell are you gonna do, if you ain’t got nothing but a mouse?”.

2016: Number of web users in China drops to 1 million, every website has been merged into one, with all web addresses redirecting to it. Content of website is synced with the content of the People’s Daily newspaper.

In the same year, the internet industry disappears, leaving 5 million workers jobless. Though the postal service’s resurgence after the abolition of E-mail created 100 thousand jobs, the remaining 4.9 million still face difficulty seeking employment.

At the same time, 1 million astroturfing bloggers lose their venue of income. The 50 Cent Party exclaims, “we worked like slaves for half of our lives and we don’t even get any retirement funds!”

2016: People’s Daily runs headline news: “Sacrificing Industry for National Unity: Worth It!“

2016: Media broadcasts roundtable discussion, concludes that had the internet been allowed to exist any further the nation would have faced imminent danger of fission, promoted by foreign and internal separatists. Government is praised for timely and unyielding intervention to contain the situation.

2016: Zhou Jiugeng is released from jail and named head of the Ministry of Industry and Information Technology. Yu Qiuyu is named head of the Ministry of Culture.

2016: Past members of the 50 Cent Party are still jobless and without means of living as they possess no other skills. Tens of thousands of ex-bloggers march towards Beijing.  On Children’s Day 2016, one hundred thousand members congregated at the government complex and sat down on a hunger strike, demanding the government to provide jobs or retirement funds, and to recognize them as civil servants. The People’s Daily runs article stating that such a job had never existed, astroturfing bloggers are unable to argue back without employment contracts.

50 Cent Party Speaker expresses that the party had worked underground for years and that they were instrumental in maintaining public stability.

Government passes warrant to arrest everyone who did not leave Beijing in three days; People’s Daily criticizes 50 Cent Party for trying to use voluntary work as leverage.

2016: 50 Cent Party demonstrators continue to strike, Beijing residents fully support their starvation and proceed to monitor them to ensure no one is able to eat.

The second day, Ministry of Culture head Yu Qinyu publishes “A Tearful Appeal to the 50 Cents Party”. Party members unanimously state that the book is far too philosophical and complicated to understand.

2016: Government declares that 50 Cents Party has committed the following crimes: illegal formation of a Party, illegal processions, illegal demonstrations, violent protest against the government, violent resistance against the law, slander against the government, endangerment of public safety, disruption of social order, spitting on the floor, and so on.

Protest organizers have been arrested, but government expresses willingness to pardon others involved, giving them a second chance to reform themselves. Every member of the 50 Cents Party has been given 50 cents to relieve hunger.

2016: 50 Cent Party Crisis has been successfully averted, demonstrating the government’s excellent mediation abilities. 50 Cent Party leader says only three words during CCTV interview, “I regret it.”

2017: Unemployment soars as the collapse of the internet industry decimates the Chinese economy. Government states that manufacture has once again become the core industry of the nation, encouraging people to use all available resources to create merchandise, exporting to foreign nations with the advantage of a low price.

2017: All foreign nations band together in a coalition, passes bill banning importation from China in protest of the Chinese internet censorship policies. Chinese government condemns foreign nations, exclaims that internet censorship is their own internal affairs and foreign nations have no business interfering with it. Coalition retorts that importing goods is their own business and refuses to care.

2019: 70th anniversary of China is reached, China declares war on the entire world during anniversary parade. Nine-word telegram sent to every country, “Three days without beating and trouble will be brewing”. Country leaders scratch their heads trying to understand the message.

2020: ……

2020: Earth is destroyed. Mayan descendants reveal that a ten-year margin of error is normal.

Original post:

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4701280b0100gmcy.html

标签：杂谈

2010年       中国开展互联网整治活动，活动口号为“三天不打，上房揭瓦”。

2010年       相关部门扩大屏蔽词词库，汉字“档”和英文字母“D”在大陆消失。当当网和豆瓣网被迫改名为肮肮网和藕瓣网。

2010年6月    政府启动“保护儿童“项目，儿童节被提到和国庆节相同的位置，并且宣布，严格限制一切不利于少年儿童健康成长的资讯。同时，上海世博会提出“世博会，世博会，捉奸在床一万对”的口号，线上线下同时启动扫黄项目，政府明确表示，一切和黄色有关的东西，都将被屏蔽，黄色代表色情和封建。小学生们都被发动了起来，纷纷走上街头，表示不放过一切黄色的东西。

2010年7月    小学生爱国委员会发现，因为五星红旗上的5个五角星为黄色，不符合时代的进步思想。该提议经过研究，相关部门决定将五个五角星改为红色。

2010年8月    政府发现，将五角星改为红色以后，和国旗原背景色一样，导致分辨困难，经过小学生代表的提议，国旗上五角星被改为绿色，代表着绿领巾和绿霸。

2010年       根据小学生爱护委员会和小学生代表的提议，政府收紧图片审查标准，并提出“激凸等于露点”的战略指导思想。

2010年       所有论坛的版主被收编为公务员。

2010年       政府推出全新网络长城，该长城系统汇聚了无数中国各行各业专家的智慧，他们在一个军事基地中集中工作，他们工作的卫星照片一度被海内外误读为中国在制造航母。

2011年1月   政府新一轮经济刺激计划中拨款1000亿用于网络评论员，网络评论员的薪水由每条五毛涨为每条一元，2011年的目标是有1000亿条正面评论，坚守在评论征地的五毛党们黯然落泪，苦撑多年，被骂无数，终于等来了大部队。从此，在各大互联网评论中，网评员和正常人类的比例达到5比5。

2011年       GOOGLE，YOUTUBE，FACEBOOK，TWITTER等网站宣布重返中国并开放注册。

同时         所有上诉网站在美国宣布并未在中国开展任何业务。

马上         这条消息被全新长城系统屏蔽，在国内无人知晓。

2011年       在上诉网站注册的用户被长城系统追踪，他们的电脑被锁定，综合类网站只能打开人民网，新华网，论坛类网站只能打开强国论坛和铁血论坛，视频类网站只能打开央视一套。经过系统重装，都不能破解锁定。

2011年       电脑涨价一倍，出现卖电脑的黄牛。但用户买回新电脑以后发现还是只能打开上诉规定网站。

2011年       房地产涨价一倍，在房地产交易网上，房源必须标明是上网房和限网房。

2011年       南方都市报，南方周末被改名为男方都市报和男方周末，被重新转型为婚姻介绍类报纸。同时，网评员和正常人类的比例达到9比1。

2011年       某市领导被人肉搜索。

2011年       互联网第二轮整治，所有搜索网站被关闭，各大门户网站和报纸发表“搜索，让我们变成懒人”“网络搜索严重影响小学生的动脑动手能力”等文章，领导们表示，我们从来不用网络搜索，也到了今天的地位，说明网络搜索百害而无一利。

2011年       百度被百事收购，成为饮料官方网站。

2012年       新浪网曝光某村领导收受贿赂500元，该新闻被评为2012中国年度新闻，该新闻点击量达到5000亿，很多人反复点击，经过删除后留言量高达一百万条，很多人认为，这是舆论监督重新开始的一个新起点。但是网络投票中，九成网友认为该新闻不应该发表，因为破坏了社会的稳定，甚至可能导致民族的分裂。

2012年       新浪网被小学生举报搜索到有人激凸。新浪网被停业整治。

2013年       所有论坛停止注册和发帖功能，中国作家协会和中国文联接受互联网，成为互联网内容提供商。互联网从WEB

3.0退回到WEB 0.3，网络模式改为只能浏览资讯，不能发帖。

2013年      小学生健康成长委员会举报新浪网又出现激凸。

2014年      新浪被激浪收购，成为饮料官方网站。

2014年      小学生健康成长委员会举报，有人在QQ上向他们发送露点照片，导致该学生看到以后上街强奸了数十人。

2014年      QQ，MSN等聊天工具被禁止，个人博克和微博被禁止，但是屡屡有不法分子通过各种技术手段上传一些私人的想法和信息。政府非常头疼。

2015年      政府部门将网络全部切断，并统一推出上网专用电脑，只有用该电脑才能上网，没有键盘的接口，只给你一个鼠标。改专项整治活动的口号为“只给你丫一鼠标，看你还能怎么着”。

2016年   　中国网民下降到100万，所有网站合并为一个网站，输入任何网址都将链接入该网站。该网址更新内容以当天人民日报为准。同年，中国的互联网产业消失，直接导致近500万互联网相关产业从业人员失业，除了因电子邮件被取消后重新兴起的邮政行业接纳了十万人以外，490万人面临再就业困难。同时，近100万五毛党失业。五毛党感叹道，做牛做马做狗了半辈子，连退休金都没有。

2016年   人民日报发文：牺牲了一个产业，换来了国家的稳定，值。

2016年   新闻联播评论，互联网产业发展下去，国家将面临分裂的危险，国外反华势力和国内分裂势力借助着互联网煽动群众，幸亏有关部门采取强硬手段，避免了事态的扩大。

2016年   周久耕平反。周出狱后任命信息产业部部长。余秋雨被任命为文化部部长。

2016年   100万失业的五毛党因为根本没有其他技能，一直找不到工作，没有生活保障，数万五毛党开始向北京聚集，该年儿童节，十万五毛党在政府门前静坐绝食，要求政府安排工作或者买断工龄，并追加公务员称号。人民日报发文表示，政府从来没有过网络评论员这个职业，所有的网络评论均为五毛当自发评论。五毛党们拿不出任何劳动合同来证明其和政府之间的劳动关系。

五毛党的发言人表示，他们当年是地下工作者，为国家的稳定立下了汗马功劳。

政府表示，限五毛党三日内离京，否则将予以逮捕。人民日报发文表示，赞美政府就不应该向政府施加压力。赞美政府不能作为换取钱财的条件。赞美都应该是无偿的。

2016年    五毛党继续绝食，市民们表示，支持五毛党绝食，绝不向五毛党提供食物，并且监督五毛党绝食，切断一切五毛党可以获得食物的途径。

第二天，文化部部长余秋雨在绝食现场发表“含泪劝五毛书”。五毛党们纷纷表示，讲的太深奥，听不懂啥意思。

2016年    五毛党的罪民包括非法集党，非法游行，非法示威，攻击政府，暴力抗法，诽谤政府，危害公共安全，扰乱社会秩序，随地吐痰等。组织者被逮捕，但政府表示，宽容对待不明真相的盲从者，给他们一个改编自新的机会，给绝食者每人发五毛用于充饥。新闻联播评论这一场景：五毛见五毛，两眼泪汪汪。

2016年    五毛危机平安解决，再现党和政府稳定局面的能力。为首的五毛党面对央视记者的采访，说了三个字，悔当初。

2017年    失业人数剧增，互联网产业的崩溃导致经济严重衰退，政府表示，制造业将再一次作为国家支柱产业，中国应当利用一切自然的资源，以低价的优势向海外出口。

2017年    海外反华势力勾结起来，狼狈为奸，蛊惑联合国以及各国，通过了关于各国家禁止向中国进口任何商品的法案，以反对中国对互联网进行封锁。中国政府强烈的谴责，表示中国的互联网管理是中国的内政，其他国家无权干涉。其他国家表示不向中国进口商品是该国的内政，中国政府无权干涉。

2019年     国庆70周年大阅兵，在阅兵当天，政府表示，闭关锁国，苦练内功，让一切反动势力在我们面前颤抖吧。当天，中国向全世界发出电文，电文内容共八个字：三天不打，上房揭瓦。很多国家表示难以翻译。

2020年     ……

2020年     地球毁灭，玛雅人的后代表示，前后十年内的误差是正常的。

Okay, so I failed to update my blog in the last three days. Sorry! (In my defense, I never promised a daily posting schedule. That TASP essay will have to wait, however.)

What I have learned over the last few days:

-German trains run like clockwork. In the sense of a rusted, mangled pile of unstable machinery less accurate than a sundial at midnight.

-Even though 1 Euro is approximately 1.6 USD, prices are actually 1.6 times more expensive in units of currency, meaning something worth $10 USD here is sold for something like $16 Euro on the other side of the Atlantic.

-China is fucktarded.

When Google announced its censorship compliance policy with the Chinese Government back in January 2006, a huge barrage of criticism befell the company and their stocks dropped massively, with Congress comparing Google to “Nazi collaborators”. Although sites that showed up in Google’s search results were already censored by China’s content-filtering firewall, the newly-established Google.cn would voluntarily blacklist results so that they wouldn’t even show up in the search engine, much less be accessible to the users, arguably equivalent to Google bowing down and licking China’s boots for the sake of profit.

Just what kind of content is censored by the Chinese, anyways? Political statements against Communism, information critical of massive Chinese screwups like the Great Leap ForwardBackward, porn, and anything endangering “national security” or “honor of the state” (Fascism much? See “PRC Domestic Laws and Regulations: National Security and State Secrets” section under this).

Conveniently, “information endangering national security” is defined as pretty much everything(中文). That definition, ostensibly, includes the price of cabbages on the second Friday of July and the shape of the Chinese flag, meaning the police can just yell “SURPRISE ARREST!” and throw you in jail for 20 years for no apparent reason if they just didn’t like you.

Various “sensitive” terms censored by Google in the past  include: “Taiwan independence”, “Facebook”, “democracy”, “tank man”, and “Hatsune Miku“.

Clearly an imminent threat to national security.

So with Google’s history of subservience to the Communist regime, the recent decision that they finally had enough of this censorship fiasco likely came as a surprise to many. Tales of Google threatening to withdraw their operations from China have also been circulating, though the final fate of Google China remains unclear at this moment.

The actual “last straw” sparking the fallout is a coordinated attack attempt on the Gmail accounts of human rights activists. Government-sponsored hacking is not really something new, since Chinese manufacturers have been known to pre-install trojans and keyloggers on their products and hack into the Pentagon on a regular basis. While the Chinese government denies any involvement with the recent incident, keep in mind that they have also denied a bunch of other things in the past…

SARS? Dead people? Epidemic? Nonsense!

What will happen to Google now that their relations with the Chinese have deteriorated? The rejection of censorship is certainly a step in the right direction, but the actual implications of this move may not be as colossal as the media outlet makes it out to be. Only about 15% of Chinese net users actually use Google, with the majority instead opting to use the meticulously censored Chinese search engine, Baidu. Since “objectionable” results are normally inaccessible on both outlets regardless of censorship, Google’s new policy will do little to alleviate the problem of information restriction in China. A pissed-off Chinese government might just block Google.com; after all, Youtube, Wikipedia, CNN, and WordPress.com (including this very blog) have already been blocked, amongst many others.

As of January 15 the Chinese State Security Council has been conferencing in order to decide “how to punish Google”(中文). GYARGH. What are they, 12? The best way to respond to Google for not giving the world free access to people’s private email accounts is to…punish them? Unbelievable! How are they supposed to carry out said punishment if Google is not even a Chinese company? May I suggest that Chinese officials think about what they’re saying before the whole world gets wind of it…

(As of the time of writing (January 17, 2010, 3:00 PM) Google.cn is still active and merrily censoring its search. Perhaps once the media hype dies down we’ll actually hear some conclusive results. At the very least, we now know that Google won’t surrender your private info to the government on demand…)

*Note: External links may occasionally point to non-English sites. They have been marked with foreign language tags such as “(中文)”. Sorry! Google Translate if you must.

A sample TASP literary analysis essay will be up at around 9/10 P.M. EST tomorrow as an independent post. Screw it. LOL.