C-POL: “Just a Theory” (UPDATE: English Translation now Available)

Repost of http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4701280b0100gmcy.html, which has already been deleted. It is a satirical account predicting the future of China. There are way too many phonetic exploits in here for a translation to do it justice, but I tried anyways.

Translation:

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Just a Theory(2010-01-17 03:57:25)

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4701280b0100gmcy.html

Tags: Miscellaneous

2010: China launches “Internet Regulation Project”, with slogan “Three days without beating and trouble will be brewing”.

2010: China expands keyword blacklist, Chinese character “档” and English alphabet “D” disappear from the internet. dangdang.com and douban.com are forced to relocate to filthynet and lotusroot.cn respectively.

June 2010: “Protect the Children” Project takes off in China, Children’s Day is promoted to a National Holiday and government announces stringent control of all information

China: “Google needs to be punished!”

Okay, so I failed to update my blog in the last three days. Sorry! (In my defense, I never promised a daily posting schedule. That TASP essay will have to wait, however.)

What I have learned over the last few days:

-German trains run like clockwork. In the sense of a rusted, mangled pile of unstable machinery less accurate than a sundial at midnight.

-Even though 1 Euro is approximately 1.6 USD, prices are actually 1.6 times more expensive in units of currency, meaning something worth $10 USD here is sold for something like $16 Euro on the other side of the Atlantic.

-China is fucktarded.

When Google announced its censorship compliance policy with the Chinese Government back in January 2006, a huge barrage of criticism befell the company and their stocks dropped massively, with Congress comparing Google to “Nazi collaborators”. Although sites that showed up in Google’s search results were already censored by China’s content-filtering firewall, the newly-established Google.cn would